Friday, October 2, 2020

Let There Be Blood and also HELLBASTARDS

The GLOGtober prompt today is 'Blood'. Blood is one of the four elements. But normally there's only one kind of blood. That's kind of boring.

Here are some more types of blood you can have.

  1. Royal blood. It's blue. Satans and vampires prize it especially, for some reason.
  2. Oil. It's flammable. Horses have oil for blood, why don't you? This one seems dangerous.
  3. Spiders! Thousands of 'em. Are they your children? Are you a spider in disguise? Nobody will ever know, unless you tell 'em.
  4. Too much blood. We're talking quentin tarantino horror movie splatters every time you get cut, and a complete inability to suffer from (or die due to) blood loss.
  5. Music. Since songs are swords, and vice versa, this can be at least a little unfortunate from time to time.
  6. Normal-ass blood. Sometimes you just gotta chill out for a second. It can't be all weird blood all the time, or none of the weird blood is weird anymore.
  7. Communism. Blood is red, at least normally. You know what else is... Red? That's right. I don't know what this does but if you or someone around you can talk to blood you should probably ask it how to solve the transformation problem.
  8. Dragon blood. Does it make you greedy? Paranoid? No, that's fascist race science, your blood doesn't define you. Having dragon blood does mean you count as a dragon (and not as a normal, non-dragon person) for things that care about that, though. Dragons probably make a lot of things that care about that, because they're fascists.

9. Ferrofluid and ink. DIGRESSION: HELLBASTARDS 

when you are a hellbastard part of your body (a hand, or both hands, or your tongue, or your heart and all your blood, or your eyeballs and brain) is inky black and wet-looking, as if you had spilled ink on it. 

everyone HATES hellbastards. that's why they're called hellbastards. so you better fuckin' keep that shit covered up. they'll like, run you out of town or stone you to death. regular people roll morale whenever you're visibly a hellbastard around them

blacktongue: tongue is inky black and far too long, might also be forked. blacktongue hellbastards are fond of masks, fans, scarves, and whispering sweet words from behind their hands. if you're a blacktongue hellbastard you count your Charisma as 2 higher whenever you're in darkness, and 2 lower whenever you're in bright light. once per day, or as many times as you want during the night, you can extinguish a light within 30' by flicking your tongue at it and swallowing it up.

blackheart: veins show dark beneath the skin and black in the corners of the eyes. blood is incredibly pigmented, so opaque it can be used as ink or dye, and ferrous -- reacts to magnetic fields like ferrofluid or the weird stuff megan fox pukes up in jennifer's body. it dries into salty magnetic tar. the blood flows slowly and hurts constantly with the dull full-body ache of a hangover. blackheart hellbastards move like rickety old people and often affect canes or crutches for comfort, though they can move swiftly when they need to. direct sunlight causes your veins to smoke through your skin and any open wounds to sputter and crackle, dealing 1 damage per minute of continual exposure -- this can be avoided with voluminous clothing or by being careful to stay on the shady side of the street, etc etc. you get +1 Strength and -1 Dexterity and roll on the Death & Dismemberment table with advantage whenever you're a blackheart hellbastard

blackhand: entire hand or hands are blackened, up to the wrists and partway up the forearms. i think this one is a whole-ass class and it's the guy from princess mononoke

blackmind: turn all your spells into blackened hellbastards. immune to most mind-affecting stuff, can't be a paladin. If anyone ever cuts open your head your brain drips out like motor oil. your eyes are completely black and this is even more disconcerting and scary than any other kind of hellbastard and everyone gets an extra 2 difficulty on morale checks if you personally cause them. you can see in complete darkness as if it were bright light, and if its magical absolute darkness then it also lets you see invisible things and lies and hidden danger.

10. Honey. This marks you either as one of the fey or a very carefully constructed simulacrum.
11. Extremely potent psychedelic-dissociative-deliriants. Don't lick your wounds. Or do, I guess. I'm not your mom.
12. Text. pages and pages and pages and pages and pages and pages and pages and pages. secrets, mysteries, books that haven't been written yet and ones that have been written many, many times. all written in monospaced pixelated font, like an old computer terminal.
13. Type O negative. This makes you a universal donor. That's a valuable thing to be. Sucks for you if you need blood, though. Some people will tell you this makes you more likely to be outgoing, have leadership abilities, easily shrug off small issues and details, be frequently late (and rude), resilient, and flexible. I think they're probably right.
14. Thread. A single, unbroken, string of red. As strong as reasonably strong fishing line. There must be miles of this stuff in you.
15. Poison. On the upside, this means you're probably immune to poison, or else you would have died by now.
16. Seawater. Foaming brine. Contains all the things the actual ocean does.
17. Glittering black glass. Molten in your veins, so probably you never get cold. Quickly hardens into brittle curls and cruel twisting spires when exposed to the air.
18. Clay. Wet, slowly trickling. This makes you extremely hard to move if you don't want to be moved, for mysterious reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with real-world physics. It also means you can't bleed out.
19. Blue house paint. Why do you have this? Is this part of some elaborate con to fake a claim to the throne? Probably, I mean that's pretty much the only reason I can think of to replace your blood with blue paint. You definitely weren't born like this.
20. BATTLEFIRE. This is a link.

okay yeah that's great Vayra but what the fuck do i DO with it

Apply this to every character from now on. Just roll a d20 or something.


  1. These are super cool, and I love how you integrated the HELLBASTARDS so seamlessly and creatively! I especially love the idea of someone bleeding honey... imagine what would happen if they cut themselves in a beehive! The pipe cleaner space marine letters are really adorable too. Thanks for sharing, happy GLoGtober!