Friday, December 25, 2020

De Luminaria Minora Caelestis Hierarchiae, Or: A Young Cleric's Illustrated Primer

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above and cometh down from the Father of Lights. 

Angels, as we well know, are the servants of some vast and defunct celestial bureaucracy, in which each of them had some important role to play. Through the wearing of a mask and adherence to certain tenets, they may be commanded through the use of miracle dice. The names of some angels are known to many - Hallow, Lightning, Kindle, Iconoclasm, Hold - but what of the others?

This is a gift.

Alter Self
R: n/a T: self D: [sum] hours
She appears as a delinquent bohemian, carrying a palette and a bottle of wine which she drinks from continually. Her wings are stained with a rainbow of paint.
You are physically transformed into another person or creature of a similar type to your normal form. You acquire the gross physical qualities of your new form (movement capabilities, natural armor or weapons, presence or absence of wings, number of extremities) but she cannot grant you any supernal powers. If more than one MD is invested, your clothing and equipment are likewise transformed. Alter Self is a sufficiently skilled artist to accurately duplicate the appearance of a specific individual, provided she has a reference to work from.

R: 400' T: a [dice] * 20' radius sphere D: [sum] rounds
She is huge, naked, incredibly muscular.
An intense but highly localized tremor rips through the affected area, collapsing structures and cracking the earth. Creatures within the affected area fall prone and cannot move, attack, or cast spells for the duration. Earthquake's strength is sufficient to destroy any structure or natural feature not constructed primarily from flexible materials.

R: n/a T: self D: [sum] rounds
She has an indeterminate number of arms. Attempting to count them causes migraines. Commonly associated with Black clerics.
Overlays herself onto your body, allowing you to hold and make attacks with up to [dice] additional firearms per round for the duration. In addition, firearms you hold are automatically and immediately reloaded with magical ammunition until [sum] bullets have been produced. The magical ammunition does not persist beyond the duration.

R: 30' T: any number of living things capable of hearing D: immediate
She is dressed like an accountant, and has gentle features. Historically associated with Green clerics.
Targets who hear her name save or die instantly. On a successful save, they instead take [sum] damage. Kill cannot be commanded without speaking her name aloud.

Legend Lore
R: n/a T: something of legendary importance D: [lowest] hours
He appears old, bearded, and sagacious, walks with a cane and wears an elaborately decorated cap. Commonly associated with Red clerics.
Returns at the end of the duration with [dice] pieces of information about an important person, place, or thing. If the target is present when you command him, the information will be accurate, specific, and relevant; if you have only detailed information on the target, the information will be less specific but sufficient to assist you in finding it; and if you have nothing but a name or a rumor the information will be vague and incomplete legends.

Locate City
R: n/a T: a circular area around the caster with a radius of [sum]*[dice] miles D: immediate
She wears a pair of heavy earmuffs and carries a large suitcase and a map. She speaks unbidden and is invariably genocidal.
Locates the nearest settlement within range (as defined by the amount of time it would take to travel there through means currently available to you) of a minimum population defined by you at the time you command her, and displays to you its position, name (translated from the language of its inhabitants as best she can), and the shortest passable route to it.

d.m. Locate City has a sister, who appears identical save for some small difference such as webbed hands and feet or incongruous facial hair. Her sister's power is to destroy the entire targeted area in an explosion of concussive force and bitter cold.

R: n/a T: self D: [sum] rounds
She appears as an archon of vengeance in full harness of elaborately filigreed plate, and bears a massive and equally ornamented sword.
You are wreathed in glimmering supernal armor which doubles your strength bonus, renders you immune to normal weapons, and allows each attack you make against an opponent of [dice] or lesser HD to automatically hit and deal maximum damage for the duration.

R: touch T: a blunt object D: [sum] hours or until discharged
She is wild-haired, painted in woad, and carries a large knife at her belt. Commonly associated with Blue clerics.
The target strikes with incredible force for the duration, is able to harm demons, elfs, and the undead as though it were made of appropriate materials, and deals double damage for the next [dice] blows you strike with it. Charges are not expended on missed attacks.

R: earshot T: 5'^[dice] radius centered around a creature, object, or point D: [sum] minutes
She wears a ski mask and dark clothing, but carries herself with a regal bearing.
Complete magical silence blankets the affected area. All sound is stopped: Conversation and further command of angels is impossible, and no noise whatsoever issues from, enters, or passes through the space. If centered around a creature or object, the area of effect moves with it; if centered around a point in space, it is stationary.

R: 120' T: something that can see and hear D: permanent or [sum] rounds, see text
Her head is shrouded in bandages, and she hovers without use of her wings. Commonly associated with Yellow clerics.
If [sum]*2 is greater than or equal to the target's current HP and they fail a save, they are struck blind and/or deaf (your choice) until you direct Solitude to release her hold on them. If [sum]*2 is less than their HP or the save is successful, her effect lasts only [sum] rounds instead. Solitude can be commanded with only her name, i.e. even if your hands are bound.

R: touch T: a creature or object D: [sum] hours or until discharged
She is tall and appears carved from marble.
The warded target hardens and takes on the rough texture of stone, protecting it from the next [sum] points of damage it would suffer. If placed in a situation where survival is impossible (immersed in lava, thrown off the Face of the world, &c) they immediately turn to invulnerable stone and lose consciousness. If this occurs, Stoneskin is incapable of reversing the transformation herself.

R: 120' T: [dice] 10' x 10' panels in contiguous formation D: instant
She is broad-shouldered, carrying a variety of tools in a leather belt, and requires specific instructions.
Creates a wall in the target area, with a thickness dependent on material. The area must be relatively clear of obstructions; Wall refuses to move objects for you and strict safety standards prevent her from working on areas that currently contain living beings. If directed by another angel with knowledge of architecture, she can produce double the amount of material.

d.m. various Walls exist, each producing a different material when commanded. Wall of Stone is commonly associated with White clerics, and Wind Wall was historically associated with the Orange heretics before their extinction.

Zone of Truth
R: n/a T: a 20' radius around you D: [sum] minutes
She carries a long staff topped with an ostrich feather, and refuses to speak.
For the duration, knowingly spoken untruths can be seen as streams of ephemerally glowing fog where they cross the Zone.


  1. I presume that Locate City's sister is a reference to an inverted nuclear blast, but I am otherwise both confused and curious...?

    1. A reference to the classic D&D 3.5e character optimization boards post "locate city bomb", a stable of my childhood education. Thank you for your comment. :)

    2. pretend that b is upside down fuck